A eulogy to Paula, by her husband Rob Wolton

Thank you all so much for coming here today to celebrate Paula’s life.  Some of you have come a long way – York, Worcestershire, Whitstable, London, Bristol, even the south of France.  Others have sent their apologies – for some the journey has been too far or they have other pressing commitments.  In particular I would like to mention Anne Murray, Paula’s cousin, who lives in Moffat in Dumfriesshire.

Paula would be delighted to see so many friends and family here (as am I) – indeed, she rather hoped she would still be with us – we started planning this a while ago.  But she is certainly with us in spirit and in our memories.

Many, many thanks to all of you for your thoughtful, moving words, for your memories and kindness shown to me, her four sons and two step-daughters. 

Several of you have offered to say a few words about Paula, but I’ll kick things off.

She was a remarkable woman in so many ways,  we would all agree about that.  As she herself told me following her diagnosis, she lived a rich and full life, regretting nothing.  Even her last few months she approached with positivity, never bitter, still as full of mindful energy as ever.

You know those word clouds people generate following some form of public engagement, where the words used most frequently are set in the largest and boldest font?  Well, if we did that for Paula, here are some of the words that would come out biggest and boldest, in no particular order:
Inspirational
Vivacious
Enthusiastic
Passionate
Motivational
Strong
Beautiful
Stylish
Capable
Warm
Caring
A star

There would be many more strong words in the word cloud too.  Magic might be one. Ones that reflect her many and varied interests, her empathy with animals, her excellence as a mother and stepmother, her loyalty to her friends and support and care for them.  Those who follow me will, I am sure, be telling you more about these qualities, and telling us stories about them, in celebration of her life.
But I thought I would focus on her early years, because they had a strong influence on her personality and the path she took through life. 

Paula was born in Hong Kong in 1951, where her father, Ian, a banker, was posted until she was aged 7.  One anecdote that Paula was fond of telling runs like this: they lived in a block of flats for some of the time, and here her parents used to host cocktail parties, to which Paula was not invited.  This annoyed her so much that she used to attempt to jab knitting needles into the ankles of passing adults through the crack at the bottom of her door.  She wasn’t always a saint! All she really wanted, she said, was some peanuts – a food she loved all her life.

When she was a bit older she delighted in going out into the jungle, often by herself, to observe and collect animals – stray dogs and cats, as well as insects, snakes and tortoises.  Her mother, Morna, never knew what she might find in their flat.  At the time Paula aspired to be Gerald Durrell – her passion and love for animals, both domestic and wild, never left her.

From Hong Kong they went to India, to Bombay.  Although she had many friends, she was a tomboy, revealing the strong individuality of character present throughout her life.  She never had any particular interest in conforming. 

While in Hong Kong the family went to the beach regularly, where Paula delighted in collecting colourful and interesting shells and stones, something she was to do all her life – they were jewels to her.  Particularly special where the days following Hindu festivals where worshippers walked into the sea bearing deities, parts of which washed ashore in the morning, colourful beads and so forth – a bonanza of wonders to take home. 

They used to spend long holidays in the cool hills.  Here Paula befriended a Tibetan Monk, a Buddhist, selling stones and medicines at the roadside.  Although he was an old man and she a young girl with no common language they still managed to connect perfectly – a skill Paula never lost, always being able to communicate effectively with people by gesture and expression. 

Their driver was a local man, and he became another close friend, inviting her to his village and making her a bow and arrow, with which she sat up in a tree for hours on end, dressed in just a loin cloth.  She hated the prejudice that was rife at the time, preferring the company of locals to ex-pats – throughout her life she showed a remarkable ability to relate well to people from all cultures and all walks of life.

Her favourite book at this time was the Jungle Book, identifying with Mowgli and wishing she had been raised by wolves. She was quite wild.  One day when riding a pony by herself in Assam, in a place where a man-eating tiger was known to be present, she heard the long grass rustling and knew she was being stalked by a tiger.  Rather than panicking she thought to herself, what would Mowgli do, and formulated a brave plan to face down the tiger.  The grass suddenly parted - it was a buffalo. She was always so fearless. Many were the times on the farm here when I wondered how she survived handing the cows and bulls, especially when she went into the race with them.

Every three years or so the family returned to England for three months’ leave.  They stayed mainly in her mother’s family home in Kent, with her grandparents, but also went across to Ireland to visit her paternal grandparents.  She had been conceived in Ireland (the result of her mother eating many green apples), and as a child saw leprechauns in the bogs: a magical, mystical side to her that never left.

Both sides of the family had strong Scottish connections, Paula particularly identified with the Irish side and the Clan Campbell, to which she attributed the fey side of her character – the ability to heal people by laying hands on them, the ability she had to connect at a deep level with so many people (and animals), her deep understanding and insight. 

From Bombay the family moved to Malaysia, initially to Penang and later to Singapore. In Penang Paula continued to be a tomboy, spending much time in a tree house with her bow and arrows and knives – she was always fascinated by knives, perhaps a reflection of her Scottish clan ancestry – they were always at war with one another.

In Penang  was sent to be a weekly border at a local international school which she hated, seeing no point to it, much preferring to be out and about with the local people.  To escape at night she used to tie sheets together and shimmy out of the dormitory windows, to explore the jungle.  One game they played in the school was called British Bulldog, a rough, often violent, game. Paula was stronger than the boys – she always had remarkable strength for one so slight. Difficult believe now, but she even contemplated becoming a rugby player!

At the age of 9 Paula was sent to boarding school in England, in Sussex, in her own words: ‘a Victorian school of child abuse’.  Although she formed strong friendships there she hated it.  She never could see the point of being sent back to England to school and kept asking her mother why she was doing this to her when there were perfectly good schools abroad, Morna in tears had no answer other than that it was ‘the done thing’.  Initially Paula was terribly homesick.  For the first few years she refused to work and was labelled thick. 
But after a while she realised the only way she could escape was by working hard, in the hope that she could leave a year of two early.  Suddenly she found she was labelled ‘bright’ rather than thick, excelling in exams. The tactic worked.  Even before she took her A levels she was offered a place in Cambridge University to study vet sciences, but instead chose to join an art school in London.  In later life her creativity became abundantly evident in the superb photos she took, many of which she posted online, attracting a considerable following.  Yet she refused to recognise herself as a photographer, preferring to focus on the artistry rather than the technical side (although she embraced technology in later life).

An early developer her physical beauty became apparent while she was at school.  This later led to frequent modelling.  It started while she was an art student in London – for a while she adorned the side of buses, advertising some clothing brand or another.  Her physical beauty never left her – at the age of 68 she became a poster girl for Neil’s Yard. Partly this was because her spiritual beauty and vivacity always shone through. As a friend of hers, Ingka, wrote to me this morning ‘One never forgets a smile and her smile lit up the world, it came from deep within her, in her eyes and in her voice’.

I will leave it for others to pick up bits and pieces of her life story from now on, only adding that Paula’s philosophy of life was such that she never feared death. She had a strong sense of being an old soul, having lived before, and was confident she would return again.  Armed with this belief, she faced the end of her days with the grace we all know to be such a strong part of her, thinking more of others than herself, still making new friends, and considering it to be her last great adventure in this life.

May I ask you all please to raise a glass in celebration of Paula’s truly remarkable life.
Thank you.

21 October 2023